Sailor Moon RS: The Lost Season!
by Quistis Chick
Summary: The Sailor Scouts are faced with a terrible new enemy. Be afraid, be VERY afraid! That's my 'final answer'!* Hint hint*
1. Default Chapter Title

Sailor Moon RS: The Lost Series  
By Quistis Chick  
  
Okay, I toataly ripped the idea from Lita Letterman's Top Ten List, and I'll take this down if she prompts so! Well, until then, try and enjoy.  
  
~^*^~^*^~^*^~^*^~  
  
"Guess what guess what guess what!" Usagi gushed out, running into the Hino Temple. The seven other Sailor Senshi's heads shot up, each one surprised by the outburst. Minako stood and turned to the blonde bimbo, who tripped in mid sentence. She fell forward, knocking Minko over. The two girls collided into the Eternal Flame.  
  
-Poof-  
  
"Hmm, so much for being Eternal," Rei complained, clicking her Aim-N-Flame on. She relit the flame, and turned to help Minako and Usagi up. "What's the big rush all about Odango-Head?" she asked, and the two blondes shook their heads to clear them. Usagi jumped up and began fluttering her hands and giggling.  
  
Haruka, growing tired of the childish antics of the young air-head, put a sturdy hand on her shoulder.   
  
"Usagi, what's so dang exciting you had to bust in here like that?" she quetioned, and the young blonde composed herself.  
  
"Mkay, mkay, maky, Like like like . . . I forgot."   
  
-Insert cricket noises-  
  
"You lame-brain!" Rei scolded, slapping her forhead. Usagi breathed in and puffed up her chest like the blowfish she saw on TV. Supposedly, that was menacing. To Rei, it seemed like some misguided sexual oncoming, but she kept her mouth shut.   
  
Ami stood, and walked over to her friend. Usagi de-puffed her chest, and whimpered.  
  
"It's okay, Usagi-chan. Try and remember what it was," she offered, and Usagi nodded. She thought about the days events.  
  
1.) Got up  
  
2.) Did something I told myself to remember  
  
3.) Put out Eternal Flame, securing a place in the bowles of Heck  
  
4.) Thought about things  
  
"Um, I think I remember . . . oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah! I reeeeeeeeeemeeeeeember! I get to go on Who Wants To Be A Millionare!" she giggled uncontrolably.  
  
"Hey, isn't that a totaly American thing?" A random dubbed-loving Anime fan whined from somewhere. Setsuna sighed and stood. She dusted off her skirt and turned to the US audience.   
  
"It is a very simple thing, really. Who Wants To Be A Millionare was originally a Japanese television program, but like most things sacred and beautiful in Japan, it was taken and transformed into a hideous beast for American audiences. Taken and warped to a pop-cultural crossover that lost it's true form and meaning. Darn you liberal shovanistic Americans! Learn to speak Japanese you uneducated swine!" she raised a hand triumphantly, and suddenly pulled it down. She blushed and sat back down. "So sorry girls, sometimes I have to get things off my chest."  
  
(AN - I made that up! It's totaly American, but I squeezed my thoughts on DiC Sailor Moon in there. ANYHOW . . .)  
  
The other girls nodded. They were about get back to Usagi's situation, when suddenly Random Dubbed-Loving Anime Fan jumped up and pointed at the Scouts. She was clad in her Dragon Ball Z tee-shirt and holding a plush Luna dolly. Her Ranma keyhcain swung around on her bookbag, and her RayEarth book fell from her lap.  
  
"Koinichiwa! But Celia! I thought you were never mean! And Corrin and Nerissa! And Serena and Lita! Minna is using words I never heard of!" R.D.L.A.F. whined, using her small knowledge of Japanese and dubbed names. Haruka cringed.  
  
"Corrin . . . ehhhhh," she shivered and looked at the girl.  
  
"Come on Minna! Join in! Fighting evil by moon light! Winning love by- Ahhhhhhhh!" Muffled screams were heard and Seiya and Yaten snuck out from behind the audience's bleachers, Random Dubbed-Loving Anime Fan tied to a stick behind them.   
  
"ANYHOW, I'm gonna be on W.W.T.B.A.M!" Usagi squeled. Small yellow subtittles flew up by her chest, and she blinked sevceral times. Diamising them, Rei stood up.  
  
"Hey, how'd you get picked?" she demended.  
  
"Um, I'm not sure . . ." Usagi trailed off. Somewhere in the distance, a group of evil-doers were clad in bad monotone colored suits and tight sweat socks, watching the Scouts menecingly from atop there secret hideout, a Mc Donalds atop the Tokyo Tower. They had the classic Anime-shadow-over-the-eyes thing going on.  
  
"So, how do we rid ourselves of these pointless Sailor Scouts. We must destroy them to take over the world with the Television!" a woman cakled. A short man with an afro replied,  
  
"Easy! We'll **sweat **'em out! Put it on buddy!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"She works Hard For The Money!"  
  
"Is that your final answer?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
*She works hard for the money so you better treat her right, uh that;s right!*  
  
"Work it babys work it!" Richard Simmons yelled, the other NegeVerse creatons started pumping their legs up and down.  
  
"Stop it! ALL NEGEVERSE GENERALS ASSEMBLE IN MY OFFICE!" A voice rang out over the loudspeaker.  
  
Soon, all the villians casted for Sailor Moon Series RS were assembled in the office of their Queen.  
  
"Roll call!" The Queen Formaly Known As Beryl bellowed. They all started sashaying their hips and dancing.  
  
"My name is Richard Simmons, I am a general! When I'm not Sweatin' to the Oldies, I'm frequenting the mall!" he sang. The next general ran up.  
  
"I am General Regis Philburn, I host a hot game show! But when the commercials are rollin' I work for the quuen, ya' know?" he skipped away from the throne and the next general ran up.  
  
"Hello an big hug to you my Queen ah! I am your next general, Genreal Teletubbie Lala!"  
  
And the last General pranced up to the throne.  
  
"My name is Billy Blanks, I do Tae Bo for fun, but when I'm on the battle field I wish I had a gun!"  
  
The Generals ran up and slid on their knees to Queen Beryl's feet. The shot their hands out to the side. "That's all we knooooooooooooooooooow!"  
  
Queen Beryl clapped. "Grand, I do love a good musical! Ahem hem hem! General Regis!"  
  
"Yes mam!"  
  
"I want you to dispose of Sailor Moon! I'm counting on you," she said, and ordered the other Generals to do a disturbing rendition of Guys and Gals.  
  
(More to come I PROMISE!) **   
**  



	2. Default Chapter Title

Chapter Two   
  
Usagi was estatic as Haruka drove her, Minako, Michiru, and Makoto to the studio where Who Wants To Be A Millionare? was being filmed. The blonde girl was bouncing in her seat, driving Makoto crazy as her pigtails hit the tall girl in the face. The wind whiping over their heads as they rode in Haruka's convertable was annoying, but in the 85 degree weather, no one was going to complain.  
  
The other Senshi, riding with Setsuna, were debating how Usagi was going to screw up this one.  
  
"She'll probably call Luna as her Phone - A - Friend! The cat has no thumbs, how can it answer the phone?" Rei commented. Setsuna nodded, not wanting to mention that the cat can't talk in front of millions of people. Hotaru clutched the door handle for dear life.  
  
"S-s-s-s-s-s-sunlight . . . evil . . ." she whimpered, pushing her sunglasses closer to her face. She slouched down further in her seat each time a ray of light came through the window. The sun was evil, it was the messiah of death. True, she was called the messiah of death, but no, sunlight was very much more death oriented.  
  
Setsuna patted the girls back, comforting her. She didn't want to say anything, but having Hotaru cling to her really put a damper on her social life. No one wanted to date an 18 year old with a 12 year old kid.   
  
Soon enough, they reached the studio. But little did the Champions of Justice know . . .   
  
"Regis! What is your plan for draining energy from the pathetic humans?" The Queen formally known as Beryl demanded. The General with the oddly shaped head extended a hand to the playing area.  
  
"You SEE my Queen, when the CONTESTANTS sit in the fastest finger round CHAIRS, they have plenty of ENERGY to preform the TASK of pushing those buttons rapidly. THEREFORE, their energy will drain as they hit the BUTTONS! For the ASK the audience LIFELINE, the audience will PUSH the buttons, LOSING energy as they do!" he said. Beryl popped a few Tylenol before asking her next question.  
  
"Really, General Regis! Must you scream every other word at the top of your lungs for no reason?" The General looked down in embaressment.  
  
(AN- Am I the only one who noticed that he does that?!)  
  
"I'm SOR-sorry, my Queen! It'll NE-ver happen again!" he apologized. She nodded.  
  
"See that it doesn't! God, these migrains are a b***h. Anyhow, a fairly decent plan. Continue with your work." She left, and Regis continued suporvising his workers.  
  
Soon, everything was set. The audience had arrived, and the contestants took their spots in the fastest finger chairs. Regis came out.  
  
"Welcome to NIGHT 6,789,345,342,567,890,321 of Who WANTS To Be A MILLIONARE! Let's GET going with the FASTEST finger question!" He beamed happily, and Beryl slapped her forehead backstage.  
  
"But FIRST, let's SEE who our 12 CONTESTANTS are tonight!" The cameras panned across the players.  
  
"Quistis Chick, from Balamb Academy!" ::smiles and waves happily::  
  
"Piccolo, from Namek!" ::just sorta sits there::  
  
"Guru Clef, from Cephiro!" ::is so short he can't be seen from behind the monitor::  
  
"Pikachu, from Pallet Town!" ::says Pikachu repeatedly until Piccolo reaches over and smacks it::  
  
"Ben Dover, from Crack Cheek Hills!" ::everyone laughs, and he looks confused::  
  
"Ex President Ronald Reagen, from Somewhere!" ::does the 'I am not a crook' thing::  
  
"Usagi Tsukino, from Tokyo!" ::is caught picking her nose::  
  
"Red XIII from Cosmo Canyon!" ::falls out of chair because it can't hold his lion form::  
  
"Marco LeonStrife from Balamb!" ::is so surprised he's in the fic he sits there blankly::  
  
"Darth Vader from the Death Star!" ::holds up two peace signs::  
  
"Dr. Evil from his Secret Volcanic Lair, surrounded by Liquid Hot Magma!" ::puts his pinky in his mouth::  
  
"Lassie, from Timmy's House!" ::barks and pees on Dr. Evil::  
  
"Alright ALREADY! Let's get to that FASTEST finger question!" A computer noise whips up a supposed "random" question.  
  
"Alright, put these ice CREAM flavors in order, FROM darkest coloring to LIGHTEST!"  
  
A.) Vanilla  
  
B.) Pistachio  
  
C.) Chocolate  
  
D.) Super Chunky Dark Fudge  
  
The contestants punched in their answers. Only Usagi and Marco had over the top energy, so they survived the energy draining. All the other contestants fell over, sleeping. Regis announced the winner.  
  
"And the PERSON who got it the FASTEST is . . . MARCO LeonStrife!"   
  
Marco jumped up and down, and headed for the seat. Sadly, he tripped on the puddle of pee Lassie left and was knocked unconscious. Usagi gasped.  
  
"MY god! Edit that OUT, and call 911!!" Regis said. Unbeknownst to the audience, Richard Simmons, dressed as a technical advisor, dragged Marco's lifeless form backstage and finished draining every ounce of energy he had.   
  
At once, all the Senshi, excluding Usagi and Minako, who didn't have the brains to figure it out, said "I feel some big Nega vibes . . . "  
  
"Well, USAGI, looks like YOU'RE up!" Regis said, and Usagi skipped happily to the hot seat. She sat down.  
  
"So, USAGI, are you READY?!" Regis asked. Usagi nodded. Regis looked at the camera and raised his hands.  
  
"Okay then. LET'S play!" Regis exclaimed. The audience clapped. Regis turned to Usagi.  
  
"Alright, first QUESTION!" The computer bleeped. "Which of the following is an animal?"  
  
A.) Dog  
  
B.) Kitchen Counter Top  
  
C.) TV Guide  
  
D.) A Well  
  
Usagi looked at her answers, carefully thinking each over. She sighed and shifted in her chair. Regis cleared his throat. It usually didn't take this long . . .  
  
"I'm gonna . . . use my fifty-fifty lifeline please!" Usagi said. The audience held back giggles, and the other Senshi slapped their foreheads.  
  
"Uh . . . okay IF you INSIST! Computer, take away TWO of the wrong ANSWERS, leaving the correct ONE and a incorrect ONE." The computer bleeped, leaving:  
  
A.) Dog  
  
B.) Kitchen Counter Top  
  
"Okay, lemme think here . . . " Usagi said, thinking. Regis sat there. The audience stared. Usagi sat up in her seat.  
  
"You know, I better call my friend, Seiya," Usagi finally said. The audience groaned. Regis sweatdropped.  
  
"All right . . . are you SURE?"  
  
"Yup!"  
  
O.o  
  
"Okay, our FRIENDS at ATT&T will call MR. Seiya Kou, and WE'LL see if he CAN help you."  
  
Bring, bring, bring. "Hello?"  
  
"Hi, SEIYA?"  
  
". . . Yeah?"  
  
"This is REGIS Philburn, from ABC's Who Wants TO Be A MILLIONARE! Your FRIEND Usagi is in trouble and she needs YOUR help on this QUESTION."  
  
"Okay. Hi Usagi!"  
  
"Hiya Seiya! I hope you can help."  
  
"Yeah, me too. How much are you up to?"  
  
"I'm going for a hundred!"  
  
"Wow! A hundred thousand?!"  
  
"No silly! A hundred bucks!"  
  
". . . Okay . . . hee hee . . . I mean, what's the . . . ha ha . . . question?"  
  
"Alright, THE timer is set for 30 SECONDS, go Usagi!"  
  
"Alright Seiya! Which of the following is an animal: A.) Dog, or B.) Kitchen Counter Top?"  
  
"You had to use the 50 50?!"  
  
"Seiya! Twenty seconds!!!!!!"  
  
"Alright alright, it's a dog!"  
  
"You sure?"  
  
"Uh, yeah!"  
  
"Okay thanks!"  
  
"Yeah whatev- beep!"  
  
"All RIGHT Usagi, WHAT will your ANSWER be?"  
  
"I'm going for . . . A.) Dog!"  
  
"Is that your FINAL answer?"  
  
"Hmmm . . . I better poll the audience!"  
  
"YOU IDIOT!" Rei screamed from the audience. Everyone looked at her. She rolled her eyes. "Gosh! Makoto! You shouldn't say those things!" Mako blinked a few times.   
  
"But I didn't sa-" Rei growled at her "- never mind."  
  
After Regis prompted the audience, they all pushed in A, and the retards pushed C and D. Usagi smiled at the results. Behind her, the audience started to pass out from the buttons, their energy draining. The other Senshi looked around, shocked.  
  
"Alrighty, A, final answer!" she giggled.  
  
"Is that your FINAL answer?"  
  
"Yes, I already said that."  
  
"Alright!" The answer showed up on Regis's screen. He frowned, then did a huge smile. "Correct!"  
  
Usagi squeled with delight. Regis got ready for the next question, but realized that the entire studio was passed out. He stood and looked at Usagi.  
  
"ALRIGHT Miss Tsukino, THE game's OVER!" he said, laughing manically.  
  
"Um, I'm only question two," she said, confused. Regis pointed a hand at her. A bunch of dollar bills shot out, stiff like razor blades. They struck Usagi, and started to drain her energy.  
  
"Not so fast!" Regis spun around to see eight girls in sailor fuku, doing odd poses.  
  
"What THE?"  
  
"We're the Pretty Sailor Suited Warriors of Justice, Sailor Senshi! On behalf of-" Sailor Mars breathed in a big breath of air, "- Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Veuns, Uranus, Neptune, Saturn, and Pluto-" Mars let out a big breath of air "-We'll punish you!"  
  
In the time it took Mars to finish that speech, Regis had finished with Usagi, and was headed for the exit. Sailor Uranus ran up to him, blocking his path.  
  
"Not so fast!" Uranus drew the Space Sword . . .  
  
Neptune put a hand on her partner's shoulder. "Really, Uranus, this is no time for art!"  
  
"Oh, right." Uranus put away the drawing and pulled out the Sapce Sword. . .   
  
"Not SO fast YOURSELF! Get them!" Regis bellowed. All of a sudden the youma of the day jumped out. It was . . .  
  
KATHY LEE GIFFORD! And her montly crew of children.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Jupiter screamed. Cody, one of her children, ran forward, biting Jupiter's leg. She was down.  
  
"Burning . . . Mandala!" Mars called out, torching Kathy Lee. It wasn't enough to bring down the scag. She turned to face Mars, and through out an attack of plasma filled soccer balls. The little kids in her sweat shops had created them, in attempts to kill her, but she found them and used them herself.  
  
"Ahh!" Mars said, getting hit. Suddenly, the other kid lept on her. It started gnawing on her elbow.   
  
"I'm running out of children! This is not good . . . Regis!" she screamed. But Regis was preoccupied.  
  
"Mercury Aqua Rhapsody!" Regis was soaked. This called for the ultimate weapon.  
  
"Release THE salves!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Suddenly, all the little kids from Kathey Lee's sweat shops came running out. They were full of pent-up anger. As they leap at the Senshi, a single rose stopped 80,000 kids. The Senshi looked up, but the person who threw it was no where to be seen . . .  
  
"But Mamoru's in America, then who . . . ?" Mars wondered. They saw a mysterious figure in the shadows.  
  
"It's a bird!"  
  
"It's a plane!"  
  
"It's Tuxedo Kamen!"  
  
"No - It's Dana Carvey!"  
  
"WHAT?!?!?!?!" Regis demanded. Indeed, in the rafters, stood Dana Carvey. Regis growled. _No way am I letting this dweeb who impersinates me all the time take the spot light!_  
  
"Hey! Hey, Mr. Carvey! Do that thing! That that Church Lady thing!"  
  
"No no! Do Garth!"  
  
"Do me!"  
  
The Senshi turned to see Pluto. "What?!" she demanded.  
  
Regis flew up to the rafters. He stood facing Dana Carvey. "No WAY am I LETTING you take my SHOW!"  
  
"Well, isn't that special?" Dana taunted. Venus giggled.  
  
"He did the Church Lady thing!"  
  
"Where were we? Oh, yes . . . Space Sword Blaster!" Uranus said, knocking the children over. The got up and threw soccer balls at her. Then they lept on her.  
  
It seemed all was lost as the children overthrew the Senshi. And with Dana preoccupied with Regis, they had no help. Until everyone heard the sound of fingers snapping.  
  
"Star Serious Laser!" Half the children were fried.  
  
"Star Sensitive Inferno!" The other half were fried.  
  
"Star Gentle Uterus!" Loud laughter was heard from the rafters.  
  
"Ha ha ha! Uterus! Ha ha! That's great! I gotta use that one," Dana said, writing down the line in a notebook. He stuck it in his pocket. Regis was still going off.  
  
"YOU always THOUGHT YOU were BETTER than me at IMPERSONATING ME! I OUTTA!"  
  
"Star Lights!" The Inner Senshi said.   
  
"Let's finish off Regis!" Mercury said. Star Fighter raised a hand.  
  
"No need, watch."  
  
"AND THEN YOU - AH! AH! ACK!" Regis keeled over, falling from the rafters. He hit the podium in the middle. Neptune walked over to him.   
  
"Dead as a doornail."  
  
"Hey look, he broke that big case of money under the podium! Let's take it!"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
As the Senshi grabbed the money, Usagi woke up.  
  
"What happened?! She asked. The Senshi turned to her. Mars walked over to her.  
  
"See, your energy was drained, Kathy Lee's children attacked us, Regis died of a heart attack from saying every other line at the top of his lungs, the Star Lights saved us from the kids, and Dana Carveysaved us from Regis until he croaked."  
  
Usagi blinked several times. "Oh, the usual?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
Mercury looked around. "Where is Mr. Cravey?"  
  
The Senshi looked around, confused. Saturn shrugged.  
  
"He just disapeared."  
  
Usagi grabbed some cash off the floor. "Who's up for some burgers?!"  
  
Jupiter stomped up. "I'm sick of getting burgers at the end of a battle all the time! Let's go find some Jehovah's witnesses and kick their @$$es!"  
  
"YEAH!"  
  
End of Chapter Two  
  
(AN - I apologize to any Jehovah witnesses, it was all in fun!)  
  
_Have the Senshi made a new enemy out of an old one? What's with the mysterious new ex - Saturday Night Live cast memeber? What will happen next! Find out in CHAPTER THREE of "Sailor Moon RS: The Lost Series!" (With profound apologies to Mr. Carvey!)  
  
P.S. Two people notified me the WWTBEM was actually a British show first, so I stand corrected!_  
  



End file.
